I Direct TurtlePorn.

It's like 2 a.m. and I really should be asleep; I have to work in the morning (booooooOO!!) . Instead, I'm up on blogger. Blogging. I've been staying up late nights recently though, so.. I don't know what that's all about. Maybe I'm nervous about not having any digital service, when Analog TV's inevitable demise is swiftly approaching. I wonder what the Analog stations last words will be. I plan on watching the death of Analog... kinduvuh morbid way of putting it but.. shit that's how they've been acting.

Anyways, something much better than TV is going to the zoo with your kids:

It was hot as hell, but the ManChild and I had a great time. It was like a regular fuckin' safari. We had lunch in the sweltering, humidity and then went hiking around the Washington Zoo. Of course I had a big ass backpack filled with non-sense because... well... I like to be prepared. There was temporary refuge in the various animal "houses" and lo' and behold.. what do we run into? Turtles fuckin'. That's right, and I took pictures:

That turtle was getting it IN... and once I figure out YouTube... or whatever (I'm such a freaking old lady when it comes to new shit.), I'm gonna upload. You can see him grinding on her, and yeah I'm an adult... but that shit was hilarious. The ManChild's interpretation of the deed was, "Hey look, Ma... that baby turtle is trying to get on his mother's back!" Thank White Jesus for innocence. I wasn't trying to explain sex to a 7 year old in the reptile house at the Washington Zoo.

There are a lot of pictures, but shit... it's quarter after 2 in the morning, and I'm just learning how to do this shit, forreal.

Sidebar:: I'm supposed to be meeting with my cousin and her wife this weekend. I hardly ever get to see her, so I'm hoping this will be some kind of event. She's an artist, and she has a mohawk. I'm trying to drum up the nerve to cut one for myself but... I have this obsession with long hair. So... the mohawk may have to wait.

Two of Four.

Formerly The Notorious Z.A.G., I was assimilated by the Borg: Brain Override Regarding Good (good sense, good judgment, good ideas, you name it). It was then I became Two of Four (all my Star Trek fans should get it). I have since regained my consciousness, and am now migrating slowly back into the human race, but let me tell you how and why I am now Two of Four.
At the tender age of 18... I was green, naive, silly... stupid. I wasn't missing any of my intelligence, it was just that my Brain Overrode anything Regarding Good. BORG. I fell in love with an idiot, because he showed me some attention. Lied to me about being hurt in relationships and blah blah blah, yackity smackity. I fell for it because I didn't know any better. I wanted to be that SOMETHING for someone, and that someone just happened to be the first yutz to come along. Well, he had an older woman - who I believe was about 35 then - pregnant (he was 20 or 21 at the time) who he insisted was not pregnant by him. I didn't care though, I sat there being a stupid little girl satisfying his every whim. Ran up my credit card bill... ran up my cell phone bill to $700 talking to females on chat lines. A complete and utter sizzling hot mess. I mean, even this dude's family was questioning why I was with this loser...and that's a direct quote. I couldn't see it at the time, a nigga had stars all in her eyes... thanks to the BORG.
To make a long story short, sooner than later I was pregnant. Did he want the baby? No. Did I care? Nope. Did I think that a baby would solidify the relationship and keep him there with me forever? I most certainly did, and boy was I wrong. We were together for about 7 or 8 months after I had the baby, and the relationship ended with me destroying all the electronics and gifts I received during the course of the relationship (almost 3 years) because he tried to take them back, over something so dumb that I can't even remember. I took all of that shit and tossed it in the street, watching gadgets and parts explode into pieces on impact. Shit, if I couldn't have it, he definitely couldn't, especially since I couldn't get back all the time and money I had so blindly put into the "relationship."
Well, my son is now seven years old, and hasn't seen his dick of a dad in about five years. Which I'm not okay with, but I can't force a man to be a man. That's not my job. My job is to raise my son the best way that I can. But that's all beside the point. Lately this infidel has decided to crash back on the scene via text message. Oh, technology can be a bitch; and get this: the first thing this fool is talking about is how he misses me and still loves me and wants to see me and been thinking about me and some ole other bullshit. NOTHING whatsoever about how his son is doing. Which I find both sad and hilarious. How the fuck are you gonna text me talking about you love me and miss me, but mention nada about the baby we made 8 years ago? Not to mention this dude has a girlfriend.... that I looked up on MySpace because I'm just like that. Don't know why but I like to know how a mother fucker looks... ya know? So anywho, I talk to him and find out that some other female is claiming that he fathered her child, and he doesn't believe it's his because the "Baby is lighter than [me] and has good hair. Man, that baby don't look nothing like [he does]." Now, being a fan of Maury... I'm well aware that a baby doesn't have to look like you to be yours. I explain that via text, but this dumbass doesn't get the point. He continues to tell me that he still loves me and is thinking about me... yeah okay, whatever dude.
Skip forward to today, I text him to find out whether or not my son has yet another brother that he'll never know because his father is a dick. Turns out, you ARE THE FATHER!! Some ole Maury type shit, lol. Again with the sad hilarity of the situation. So, being me, I decide to check out girlfriend's MySpace page again (I hadn't been on there in a while) and homegirl's status says: Preparing for the baby, getting ready for our trip in july and getting a promotion at work. Doing big things." Of course curiosity gets the best of me and I ask him, what baby are they preparing for? Turns out THIS chick is pregnant now. If you haven't been keeping count, she is baby mama number FOUR. Which makes me Two of Four. The BORG is taking over. So beware.
Why are niggas still fucking bitches without rubbers?? I mean... is poon really THAT good? To either a.) die for, b.) ruin a life or two.. or three or four for? Stupid.. I swear I wish I had been allergic to stupid years ago. Don't get me wrong, I love my son infinitely, he's a star!!

But good gottdamn... to fuck an idiot

Life Goes On

Friend's blood and brains splattered on pavement
Phone calls from collections expecting payment
Nursing home& inevitable interment arrangement
But life goes on...
Beat up, hair pulled and choked out
Procrastination, depression and self doubt
Bury face in pillow and then shout
But life goes on...
Yellow slip out front my shit is past due
Pockets thin but all my clothes is brand new
How to save, admit that I have no clue
But life goes on...
Carry weight that no one seems to understand
Press on for my Son and my favorite Man
Crumble under the weight of all these demands
But life goes on...

Spring Fever, Maybe?

Well, I'm sitting in my GYN's office, and I see lots of round bellies sitting around when suddenly I have this overwhelming urge to HAVE a BABY..I have a 7yr. old whom I love dearly (who, by the way keeps asking me, "Hey Ma, when are you gonna have another baby??!" To which I usually respond, "Boy, get outta here!"), but its been a really long time and I find myself mystified with the idea of feeling my bestfriend's/love's baby squirming around in my womb. Watching it grow, rubbing my tumtum and getting all of that special "PregnantLady" attention. And I wonder what (s)he will look like, I mean, we're a badass couple! Chubby, bubbly little brown babies are like, the best thing ever; with the drool and the new baby smell...mmmm!! And to have my BabysBaby??! THAT would be the bomb, no doubt. Could this be old fashioned Spring Fever that animals get when its time to mate and procreate?
Buuut... I'm broke as fuck and enjoy spoiling my OneandOnly (One, for short)...not to mention I'm lazy as shit and I have a lot on my plate as of late sooo:
Maybe this baby done made some other plans (Stevie Wonder fans, Stand Up!!)...
Maybe 2010 (Honey, are you reading?! LOL)...