Who Else Would Want To Deal With You?!

"Who else would want to deal with you?" - A little gem that was shouted at me in the middle of a lover's spat. After saying, "Nigga fuck you..." then giving the whole idea some thought, I can't imagine that anyone else would want to deal with the real me, day in and day out. Most people, for one, are too stupid for me to even consider dealing with on any intimate level... and that's why my friends are so few as it is. Excluding family, I have 3 friends. Yep, I'm 26 years old and have 3 friends. Which is fine by me. Although there are a few people I'd like to meet and be friends with, as of now I have only san amigos. In no particular order:

Monsieur Burghardt - The Abrasively Brilliant One. I love this nigga like I've never loved another. I've known this cat for about half of my life and boy, have we been through it over these... what about 13-14 years now? I stopped counting the years because years don't mean anything to infinity, if you know what I mean. But for the sake of referencing a time frame, let’s go with that number. We met through a mutual mutant... that's another post for another day but I digress... and I told said mutant that I really liked Mr. B. What did this cunt go and do? Put the moves on my man. Bitches ain't shit. Anyway, for quite a few years, I had to swallow the jagged little pill of bitterness as they related, dated and fucked and whatnot. Being the loyal friend and down ass bitch that I am, I never mentioned anything more about it, and I'll be real with you... my insecurities and shit helped hold my tongue. But OHHH that truth serum fire got me going one night we were all hanging out and in a drunken stupor I professed my love for this man... that was it. There was no turning back at that point and I fought until he was MINES!! LOL... but seriously, he is as twisted as I am... yet thoughtful, intelligent, handsome, witty..hell, hilarious!! And that voice continues to do things to me... ok, ok... let me stop I don't want any of you bitches to get any ideas. I fought too long and too hard for this diamond in the rough. But he's like, one of my best friends on the planet, and I love him to bits and pieces!!

Betty B. - My would be wife if I were a lesbian, or a man. I love this chick!! She is what a real homegirl should be. I thought I had a friend in the mutant (see above) but only came to realize that she was a cancerous, cantankerous, evil bitch. Wow, I'll have to do her the honor of blogging about her one day. But back to my Betty. Oh, by the way, I call her Betty (as in Boop) because of her bangin' ass hour glass figure... and her milkshake be bringing all the b's buzzing... Betty is like, my personality twin, if there is such a thing. I'm probably a bit more crass than she is... but she is the yin to my yang. She loves HARD and unconditionally, the kind of female a nigga should want on his team. We both have problems but we help each other work them out. I don't judge her bullshit, and she doesn't judge mine. I've been friends with Betts now I would say, a good seven years. Started out as coworkers, and ended up best buds, like... if she needed a place to crash, my door is open. Of course we've had our little spats or what have you (which are few and far between by the way), but what friendship doesn't? We've always bounced back and had...and continue to have each other's back. Love ya Betty B.!!!

J. - My weird, technology geek buddy. I am able to be as crass as I need to be with J. He always lends an ear when I need to talk about how stupid certain co-workers are... basically J rocks. When I first met J, I was like.... wow, what thee fuck. Big Black dude who.. kinda doesn't embrace his Blackness. But it's all good when you get to know him. We became friends after passing by each other for like 3 years without speaking, over the Classifieds in the City Paper. I was reading the hilarious ones to a co-worker he was already friends with, and lo' and behold, he too read and made jokes about the I Want You to Poke Me With Plastic Forks While I Suck Your Toes If You're Out There Please Call ads. Ever since then we've been tight like glue! Movies, anime, Star Trek, music, gore, electronics, and pictures of hot chicks... J is sooo my guy. He's a kind hearted gentleman with an I'll Kick Your Ass exterior. That's my nigga and we'll always hang tough!!

So, those are my friends, and I care about all three of them because basically, they all kick ass. I am able to be as loud, crass, ignorant, political, intellectual, opinionated, creative and silly with them as I want and need to be. Most people can't deal with my madness... and they do voluntarily. Oh, and they don't mind that I curse like a sailor and say nigga like... every chance I get.. No tip toeing around these dudes, at all. Everybody should get at least one of themses.

Peace and MuthaFuckin Love My Niggas!!!